2 Bikes, 500 miles, 5 days...

Absolutely gutted to have to report that the cycling has come to an end. Unless the knee faries come in the night and give me a new left knee, I won't be completing the final leg (geddit?) of the trip.

We're in our planned destination of Leamington Spa but with having to complete the last 12 miles by train from Stratford upon Avon.

Every turn of the pedals this morning was painful and the headwind that we seemed to be cycling into did not helo in the slightest. The photos suggest that we passed some fantastic scenery on the way - I don;t think I noticed it.

I did, however, have some nice sausage and mash for lunch

So, in the end, we completed around 340 miles over 4 days. No mean feat, but a shame nonetheless.

Regarding my political orientation, I’m not so sure now. Nick Clegg has totally scattered Wiltshire, Oxfordshire and Warwickshire with really bright oilseed rape. It’s a bold political move one has to say, and one indicative of a man who understands the problems inherent in the British education system.

On the other hand, Gordon Brown probably has a smaller cock and it doesn’t seem fair that he should have to lose his premiership as well. One day to decide, how exciting?!

Regarding the trip, today we cycled 53 miles and I also gave a pack of jelly babies to a tramp.

It’s all over unfortunately :-( We’ve had fun but Ty’s knee is totally gone and we’ve had to stop. I know it sounds stupid but I didn’t really do anything today – when you haven’t got the horrible injury that Ty seems to have picked up, cycling this distance over a whole day is equivalent to strenuous gardening!

However, when you have a painful knee, just cycling 5 miles can be very difficult. If it was me, I would have given up and caught the train earlier but Ty was pretty impressive today carrying on as long as he did!

Day Three Photos    |    Comments

Regarding my arse, there’s a mixture of good and bad news. Firstly, the usual rubbing caused by the saddle has been fixed with a bit of factor 20 sun cream and grit determination not to notice. So, I really have put on sun cream in the one place that the sun will never shine!

Secondly, my cyst seems to have burst and left a pussy blood mess in my sexy shorts. The whole morning I was in intense pain, so much so that I couldn’t even sit to enjoy the Morris dancing beardy weirdies in Yate.

Post-arse-cyst-burst I was fine and happy to continue on – at the end of today we’ve done 98.5 miles and I’m feeling fresh.

Ty, unfortunately has pain in his knee so we’ll see how things go.

Regarding my political views, I’ve been forced to change them. I was going to vote for nobody and mildly cheer for Lib-Dems whilst mainly enjoying David Mitchell and Charlie Brooker show up all of them for the plonkers that they are.

However, there are so many (oxymoronic) “Vote for change conservative” signs that I’ve decided I must vote now, I really want to vote for Suzy Davies who seems to be the Conservative party candidate for the whole of Wales.

Yes, the sheer magnitude of blue signs has forced me to reconsider who is best placed to turn around the current budget deficit – and this when some cynics would regard them as a sad waste of time and money!

I think I will also get married to celebrate when Mr Plonker himself stands outside number 10 and delivers yet another cringemaking dribbling bitesize chunk of patronising rhetoric.

Regarding cycling 500 miles in 5 days, it’s still on the cards but looking less likely. Loving it though! :-)

I don't think I need to add anything here. You have all the arse-cyst related info you need.

My knee really hurts. Need lots of pain killers.

Day Three Photos    |    Comments

Well there we have it. 80 mile of up and down (which felt like every down was followed by three times a much up).

We decided over Spaghetti Bolognese to call it a day at 80 miles - neither of us really had anything to give to get us over the Black Mountains (which would be the third mountain range today, having already conquered the Cambrians and Brecon Beacons.)

Tomorrow will require a lot of pedalling to make up the distance, but at least we only really have the Chilterns to worry about. Hopefully it will be less windy too.

Still, it has been a great day. Fantastic views and, unlike yesterday, no freezing rain or hailstones to contend with.

Time for a cup of tea in front of Match of the Day...

This is hard, today we did the Cambrian Mountains and the Brecon Beacons – it took us ages because it was so hilly so we only did 80 miles and now we are staying in Brecon.

The main problem for me is that it’s so cold!! :-)

Wales still has lots of sheep, they’re quite sweet and baa at you. We were also chased by a stupid dog. Man, I hate dogs!!

Also, my arse hurts so much. I have the usual soreness you would expect after 180 miles but it hurts more this time. I often rotate from my left cheek to my right when I’m giving my arse a breather. Unfortunately, I have (another! :-( ) golf ball sized cyst, this time on my left buttock and it hurts so much!!! I’ve blatantly got some kind of virus, my life isn’t glamorous enough for it to be an STD either – so not only have I got a virus that I didn’t get from sex, the symptoms themselves render me less likely to achieve sex in the future, God’s a bitch. Mind you, cysts on my arse are not really inhibiting me this week – I mean who stands any chance of nookie when cycling all day every day and then going to sleep next to a man called Ty? Unless.... ;-)

Day One Photos    |    Comments

Wales is full of sheep, it really is, sheep everywhere and amazing views – totally stunning views.

First 10 miles bit boring, next 60 miles really good fun, loved it – see the photos. Then the pace slowed and it was horrendous! :-(

We cycled over as mountain in the rain, it was cold and we were soaked for 30 tired miles. It took us over 3 hours and now we have no time to relax before going to bed and repeating it all again tomorrow.

Excellent fun though overall, top route planned by Ty and pleased I did it.

Wales is conservative by the looks of it – that is conservative, vote for change. It’s a change alright, back to the quasi-religious nonsense of mediaeval times! Good poster though, clever for the opposition to dream up the change idea ;-)

Hitting the wall at 65 miles is not nice when you know you've still got 35 miles to do - up a mountain!

We did it though. Bring on tomorrow!

Day One Photos    |    Comments

And lo, the bike is back from RaceCo Cycles (Stourbridge), the packing is done (see photo) and the excitement builds!

The weather forecast for the first couple of days is not fantastic, but with cool temperatures and (hopefully) only light winds, I shouldn't complain.

The route in detail    |    Comments

With time running out, I thought I had better get the bike checked over. The miles of training clocked up have started taking their toll.

As I write, I have entrusted my machine to the nice people at RaceCo Cycles in Stourbridge. Hopefully they'll get the bike match-fit asap...

...Now, if only I could find an equivalent for cyclists!

The route in detail    |    Comments

Just seven days until the big off. I feel a little underprepared.

Time, I think, to start writing some lists. Now where did I put that pen and paper...?

The route in detail    |    Comments

Training is going well enough. The 32-mile round trip to work and back provides a few hills and enough exercise to get me into shape. Will it be enough for a 500 mile trip though?

Time will tell.

More to follow...

The route in detail    |    Comments